Buckle Up
by YouMayKnowMeAsAngel
Summary: The Marauders embark on a road trip. It goes about as smoothly as you would guess. (Non Magic au, wolfstar)


**A/N: This story is written in a "time-stamp" fashion. For example, 1.00 translates to "one hour into the road trip". -.30 translates to "a half hour before the road trip". 4.35 1/2 translates to "four hours, thirty-five and a half minutes into the road trip". I hope it makes sense as you go along.**

 **:**

 **:**

 **:**

Remus wakes up the morning of the road trip to discover he slept in. Said discovery leads to a good ten minutes of swearing, yelling, and general ridiculousness that results in a slightly dressed Remus Lupin with three stubbed toes on his left foot.

-.40

James is waiting outside his flat. His promptness is only thanks to Lily, though he would never admit it. Remus, however, knows better, and he makes sure to send Lily a thank you text while James is busy throwing his bags in the back of the van. Lily won't notice the text until later, among other stranger texts from Remus as the day unfolds.

-.35

James complains about the early hour on the way to Sirius' flat, then falls asleep.

-.30

Sirius discovers that James makes the most interesting noises when a water bottle is dumped over his sleeping face. Sirius refuses to answer questions regarding the contents of the water bottle, as the liquid resembles water but smells like cheese.

-.22

On the way to Peter's mother's house, James contemplates the pros and cons of punching Sirus this early in the road trip, Sirius tries to remember what was actually in the water bottle he poured on James, and Remus bemoans the fact that he left his music and earbuds at his flat.

-.18

Upon arriving at Peter's mother's house, Remus discovers that nobody will answer the front door, James discovers that Sirius is no longer in the van, and Sirius discovers that the back door of the house is unlocked.

-.15

Sirius has no water bottle at his disposal to wake a sleeping Peter, so he makes do with what he has.

-.14

Peter wakes up with half a jar of mayonnaise on his face.

-.10

Remus begins to pull out of the driveway. Sirius, James, and mayonnaise covered Peter are not in the van. Yelling ensues.

.00

Everyone argues over who gets to sit shotgun. In the end, Peter wins. The road trip has begun.

.35

Only thirty-five minutes on the road and Peter claims he has to use the bathroom. They stop at a breakfast restaurant, and Sirius entertains himself by flirting with the hostess.

.40

Sirius nurses the slap wound on his cheek and refuses to talk to anyone. Peter can't stop giggling, and James can't stop staring at a rather disgruntled Remus. He almost leans across the center console to ask something, but stops. He tells himself it's not the time nor the place.

1.04

Sirius takes out his iPod and they all argue over music taste before they settle on common ground, the Beatles.

2.00

Peter falls asleep during the second rendition of _Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds._ Sirius plays, "How Many Things Can I Put On Peter's Face Before I Get Yelled At?"

2.15

He gets to seven, but stops with the stapler after Remus gives him a look.

2.16

Upon questioning the reasoning behind bringing a stapler on a road trip, Sirius shrugs and says, "A man's gotta be prepared for anything."

2.17

Remus makes a mental note to search Sirius' pockets later.

2.17 1/4

Remus decides against that mental note once he realizes that the world might be better off leaving some things in the dark.

2.45

James suggests they pull over and switch drivers, and everyone uses this opportunity to stretch.

2.50

Peter spots a hawk. He insists that everyone gets back inside the van. He's very twitchy, and keeps glancing up at the sky.

2.53

It is revealed that Remus can imitate the cry of a hawk quite well, and that Peter has no qualms about trying to leap out of a moving vehicle upon being provided the proper motivation. Sirius takes note of this for future use.

3.15

Remus announces that he's tired, and then tries to maneuver his way through the van to the third back seat row where he can stretch out. He ends up bruising Peter's hip as he squeezes by, and nearly kicks Sirius in the face as he scrambles over the second seat row.

3.30

Upon Sirius' fifth proclamation of boredom, James suggests that they play Punch Buggy. Remus sleeps away in the back of the van, peacefully unaware of the chaos slowly brewing upfront.

3.40

The game changes to Punch Whenever You See Your Chosen Color once the boys discover that there are not a lot of punch buggies out on the open road. James chooses green, Peter chooses white, and Sirius chooses grey.

3.50

Sirius and Peter both begin to regret their color choices when fifteen out of the twenty cars they've seen have been green.

3.55

The game changes to Punch Whenever You See A Car to make the odds fairer.

3.56

The game changes to Punch Anyone Before You're Punched to play the odds against James.

3.57

The game changes to Punch The Bloody Daylights Out Of James, who has somehow proven that he can both drive and deliver swift punches to the back seat without swerving the van.

3.59

The game changes to Avoid The Flying Fists Of Fury once Remus wakes up. It is agreed that there is a clear winner, and Remus goes back to sleep slightly smug.

4.15

After a bout of comfortable silence, Peter moves to the shotgun seat to have control over the music. He chooses some piano piece off his playlist, which leads to everyone wondering why the fuck Peter likes classical music.

4.20

Remus wakes up, and can't fall back asleep. He climbs over the seat row to sit next to Sirius. He hesitates a moment, then rests his head on Sirius' lap, falling asleep again. Sirius panics, holds his hands up in the air like he's being arrested, then slowly lets them fall to rest on Remus' shoulder and head. He falls asleep too.

4.45

Peter glances at the backseat and whispers a question to James. James studies Sirius and Remus in the rearview mirror, sighs, and shrugs. "My guess is as good as yours," he tells Peter.

4.50

Without thinking, James asks Peter if the reason he likes classical music is because of his sister. He hurriedly apologizes when Peter tenses, and the van is quiet but for the piano bridge trickling up the scale.

5.15

Awkward silence.

5.20

Peter says, "It's part of the reason," and the subject quickly changes to sports. Somewhere along the way, Peter turns off his music.

5.45

Remus wakes up and decides not to notice the tiny puddle of drool he left on Sirius' lap.

5.47

Sirius wakes up and immediately notices the tiny puddle of drool Remus left on his lap. He Remus a two minute noogie.

6.0

James spots a petrol station and pulls over. He re-fills the van's tank and fails to notice when Remus, Peter, and Sirius sneak inside the tiny convenience store.

6.3

Peter loads up on snacks for the road, and Remus spends his time staring longingly at a shelf of chocolate bars.

6.4

Sirius grows tired of Remus' staring and buys him four chocolate bars.

6.6

Unfortunately for everyone involved, the owner of the convenience store has a daughter who runs the register. She's very cute.

6.8

Remus drags Sirius and Peter out of the convenience store and shouts at James to start the van, for fuck's sake, before the owner of the convenience store shoots them. James thinks he's joking until the owner of the convenience store runs outside with a Remington M870. The van pulls away from the petrol station with its tires squealing. Sirius can't stop laughing. Remus texts Lily about the whole ordeal, figuring that someone should know if he dies on this road trip.

6.9

Peter's still in shock. He fiddles with the scrap of paper the register girl had scribbled her number on.

6.15

Comfortable silence. Remus enjoys watching the scenery pass by.

6.25

They pull over so that James can switch drivers with somebody. Sirius, who hates the van, doesn't want to drive, but Peter's a horrible driver.

6.26

Sirius agrees to drive the van on one condition: he gets to choose the music.

6.30

The boys sing _Thunderstruck_ by ACDC with enough intensity to startle anyone driving within a hundred meter radius of the van

6.45

Peter and James start a game of I Spy in the back. It's mostly composed of James being an ass and describing whatever object he spies with made-up adjectives, such as "very speckle" and "almost crinkle-worthy". Peter plays along, but only because he's too tired to care.

6.46

Peter falls asleep.

6.50

James falls asleep in the middle of drawing a penis on Peter's sleeping face with black sharpie. It's only got one testicle, and the marker line dribbles down his cheek.

6.55

Comfortable silence between Remus and Sirius. Remus counts the cows on the side of the road while Sirius drums his fingers along to Whitesnake on the steering wheel.

7.0

ABBA comes on Sirius' playlist. Both boys freeze.

7.2

Sirius and Remus both whole heartedly sing along to _Dancing Queen_.

7.4

The song ends. Sirius and Remus sit very quietly next to each other, both of them embarrassed.

7.5

Remus snickers, Sirius snorts, and then they both burst in loud peals of laughter. For some reason, both of them find the situation to be very _very_ funny, to the point where there are literal tears streaming down their faces.

7.6

Remus' cellphone rings. It's Lily. That alone is enough to sober both him and Sirius.

7.9

Lily is fine, she just wants to make sure everything's "alright". Remus had failed to answer her text which had inquired about them almost being shot at a petrol station.

7.11

Despite Remus' assurances, Lily is still doubtful. Sirius grabs the phone from him and says in a flat monotone, "We almost got shot but then we didn't. Except for James. He's grievously wounded." He hangs up.

7.12

Sirius rubs the spot on the back of his head where Remus had smacked him. Remus frantically calls Lily again and explains the petrol station incident.

7.13

Back home, Lily is laughing so hard she almost pisses herself. She calls up Alice and Marlene so they can get the Girl's Week started. Frank is traveling as well, freeing up Alice. Even though Marlene isn't dating Sirius anymore, she still benefits from the Marauders being out of town when it comes to a decrease of stress.

7.14

Frank happens to be traveling to the same destination as the Marauders. They had offered him a spot in the van, but he told them a lie about getting carsick so he wouldn't have to be in the same enclosed space with them for 12 hours straight. He likes the boys, but he considers himself to be a sane person, even if his sanity costs him a plane ticket. He enjoys his flight with the ease of a person who's skipped out of a highly stressful situation.

7.20

Peter's full bladder wakes him up. He pokes James awake, then announces to Sirius that he needs to take a piss. Everyone notices the penis James has drawn on his face, but they somehow fail to mention it.

7.21

The pull over on the side of the road near a small grouping of trees. Peter and James go walking off to take a piss, while Sirius leans against the back of the van with his sunglasses on.

7.23

Remus gets out of the van to go stand next to Sirius with the intention of telling him how anti-punk rock his sunglasses look. The words die in his throat when he sees Sirius tilt back his head and smile up at the sky, enjoying the sunlight.

7.23 1/2

Remus finally looks away from Sirius. He decides that things are getting rather pathetic for him. Well, more pathetic than usual.

7.25

Screams coming from the trees. Sirius and Remus stare at Peter, who's running towards them with his jeans and underwear around his ankles. "Badger!" He screeches.

7.26

If there is one thing that the Marauders hate collectively, it would be badgers. Four years ago, Sirius thought it would be hilarious to sneak a wild badger into a classroom. The badger had escaped in the boy's dormitory, and the Marauders had spent the day chasing and occasionally be chased by the little beast. None had survived the day unscathed.

7.27

James comes running from the trees to find the van already moving. Peter opens one of the back doors, and James dives through it. He too, is naked from the waist down.

7.28

They all fail to notice the small family picnic that's taking place near where they'd pulled over. The family sees everything. _Too much_ of everything.

7.30

There's a strange mixture of laughter and screaming in the van. Remus, who's driving, is yelling at Peter to put his briefs back on, for God's sake, while he's sitting in the fucking van. Peter is shouting that he can't pull his briefs on, they're stuck on his jeans. Sirius, sitting shotgun, won't stop laughing. James is taking pictures with his phone.

7.32

Peter finally pulls his underwear up. Remus notices he's driving about 30 miles over the speed limit at the same time he notices a police car in the rearview mirror.

7.33

Everyone loses the last of their shit. Remus is panicking, having never been pulled over before. James is shouting at him to slow down while Peter demands he speed up. Sirius twitches dangerously.

7.34

Sirius, suddenly regressing back into an angst-ridden teenage rebel, makes a lunge for his door while screeching, _"Fuck the narcs!"_

7.34 1/2

James has wrapped his long limbs around the seat in front of him and across Sirius' chest, effectively pinning him to his seat. He yells in Remus' ear to slow the fuck down and pull the fuck over. Remus panics and speeds up. Peter screams over all of this.

7.35

Meanwhile, back at home, Lily, Alice, and Marlene are eating out of their own individual cartons of ice cream. They're laughing and talking amongst each other, completely relaxed and at ease. Frank naps the afternoon away on his airplane.

7.35 1/2

Sirius manages to roll down the window of his door. He wiggles out of James' grip and starts to crawl out of it.

7.36

Sirius' front half is leaning out the window. James has a death grip on his left leg, and Remus reaches one hand over the center console to grab the right leg. They both try to pull him back inside, but Sirius has propped himself up with his arms. He begins to shout obscenities at the police car.

7.37

All the boys are screaming at this point, except Peter, who is now contemplating his own mortality. They begin to panic as the cop car pulls over into the lane next to them and speeds up. And suddenly, they all fall silent.

7.37 1/2

The car is not a cop car. It's a silver Ford Fiesta with blue stickers along one side.

7.38

The Ford Fiesta drives by the van with extreme caution. The passengers' eyes bulge at the sight of a boy hanging out the front window. Two other boys hold him aloft, one with horribly messy hair and the other looking as though he's about to vomit all over the steering wheel. The round faced boy in the back with the half drawn penis on his face waves at them with a grimace. Everyone sort of gapes at each other in silence until the driver of the Fiesta steps on the gas pedal, speeding off into the far distance.

7.39

All of the passengers in the van make a pact to never tell another living soul what just happened.

7.40

Sirius texts Lily everything.

7.41

Back home, Lily stares at the text for a total of 10 seconds, shows Marlene and Alice, and they all make a pact to pretend as though they never saw the text.

7.42

Alice texts Frank everything

7.43

Frank is still asleep on his flight. His phone has been stolen by the part-time university student sitting next to him.

7.50

Despite recent events, the passengers in the van are relatively calm. James sleepily hums along to the song playing on the radio. Sirius' eyes begin to droop.

8.00

Both Sirius and James have fallen asleep. Remus is having a cheerful chat with Peter, who is telling him about how he's trying to save up enough money to move out of his mum's house and into his own flat.

8.02

Peter expresses his longing for independence. Remus knows that if James and Sirius were awake, Peter wouldn't have said that.

8.03

Remus tells Peter that he believes in him, and he's willing to help in any way he can. Peter blushes and gives Remus a toothy grin.

8.05

Sirius snores noisily. Even when he's asleep, he's an attention whore. Peter watches in silence as Remus gives him a rather fond smile.

8.06

Without thinking, Peter outright asks if there's something going on between Remus and Sirius.

8.06 1/2

Upon seeing Remus tense up, Peter panics and splutters out apologies. "It's completely fine if you are, I don't care, but if you aren't that's also fine, _oh fuck_ I'm so sorry Remus please forgive me!"

8.07

Remus gives Peter a reassuring smile in the rearview mirror and assures Peter that there is nothing "going on".

8.08

After a long period of silence, Peter asks very quietly, "But do you want something? To be going on, that is?"

8.09

Remus worries his lip between his teeth. He's never been able to lie to Peter. He glances at Sirius to double-check that he's still asleep before answering.

8.09 1/2

"Y-yes. I think I would like something to…happen. But you must understand that what I want is sort of ridiculous. Sirius is my friend, and he's been my friend before he's been anything else. I'm happy. I'm sure whatever I feel for him will fade."

8.10

 _Riiiiiiight,_ Peter isn't so sure about that. He also isn't sure that Sirius doesn't feel the same way, as Remus appears to believe. But he can tell that Remus is uncomfortable, so he lets the subject drop and asks about Remus' animal shelter volunteer work.

8.10 1/2

Assumed to be sleeping and unnoticed by all, James' mind whirls as he mulls over what he just overheard. His suspicions have been confirmed. All that's left for him to do is plan out his next move.

8.40

Remus pulls into a restaurant parking lot since all none of them thought to bring proper food. ("No Peter, a tub of peanut butter does not count.") The restaurant is like a cottage in the middle of nowhere, but Remus has decided to overlook this for the sake of filling bellies. His friends have a tendency to get bitchy when hungry. Or when thirsty. Or drunk. Or tired. Or whatever.

8.42

Remus and Peter pile out of the van, and James makes a big show of waking up. Peter is suspicious until he notices something interesting.

8.42 1/4

Sirius is still asleep in the van. He will need to be woken up.

8.43

It is quickly decided that Peter will get the honor, considering the mayonnaise incident from this morning. It's also because he still has half a penis on his face, but the boys have yet to inform him of this. James doesn't say anything because he was the one who drew the penis, and Remus doesn't say anything because he has legitimately forgotten about it. Evidently, he's seen enough badly drawn face penis to become desensitized.

8.44

Peter finds the melted remains of Remus' candy bars from the convenience store. He decides to forgo creativity for the sake of pure enjoyment.

8.46

A chocolate faced Sirius chases Peter around the van. James cheers while Remus calmly snaps a picture with his phone to send to Marlene.

8.47

Peter has managed to climb up on the top of the van, so Sirius gives up the chase. He walks over to stand next to Remus, folds his arms, and pouts. Without thinking, Remus runs a finger down Sirius' face and licks the chocolate off of it.

8.47 1/2

Both Sirius and Remus are blushing extensively and are trying not to make eye contact. Meanwhile, Peter and James are making an enormous amount of eye contact. They're having an entire silent conversation which somehow conveys that yes, James was awake and overheard _everything,_ and he plans on doing something about it. Peter is simultaneously trying to get down from the van and tell James that he really thinks intervening is a _baaaad i_ dea. James decides, once again, to ignore sound advice.

8.47 3/4

But he's wise enough to whip out his phone and start texting Lily about the situation.

8.50

They are seated at the little restaurant. Remus thanks whatever god exists that their waiter is an older man, and therefore not subject to Sirius and James' game of Flirt Until Embarrassment. (If the guy was under the age of 40, he would still have qualified.)

8.53

The chocolate on Sirius' face is starting to get really sticky, so he tries to leave the booth by climbing over Peter. After a lot of cursing and stray elbows, he tumbles out of the seat and heads towards the restrooms.

8.54

Remus would start up a conversation, but James is caught up with his phone, and Peter keeps frowning at James as if he's about to protest something.

8.54 1/2

Back home, Lily receives the first text from James — ** _you were right, looks like it's finally happening_** She doesn't have to ask what "it's" about. She lets out a cheerful whoop and demands that Marlene pays up.

8.56

Lily, Marlene, and Alice are once again swept up in the Marauder madness, despite the fact that this particular week was supposed to be free of that specific thing. They're all gathered around Lily's phone, greedily reading every text that comes in. (Marlene is slightly disgruntled at having lost the bet. She had put money on neither Remus nor Sirius admitting anything for at least another year.)

9.00

Sirius has yet to return from the restroom. Remus keeps glancing over his shoulder in the direction he left. Peter had started getting messages about two minutes ago, so now both him and James are sitting with their phones inches from their faces. Remus decides that neither of them would notice if slipped away for a few moments to check on Sirius.

9.01

"Sirius? You alright in there—oh, _fuck."_

9.01 1/2

Remus power-walks his way back to the booth, his eyes wide and twitchy. James and Peter lower their phones at the sight. Remus never moves faster than his average walking speed if he can help it. They watch warily as he places his hands down on the table and leans in to whisper…

9.01 3/4

 _"Sirius has a spider on his forehead."_

9.02

Both James and Peter stare at Remus.

9.02 1/2

In the men's room, Sirius lets out a whimper as the spider starts to crawl down the bridge of his nose.

9.02 3/4

"So what? It's just a spider," Peter says. James and Remus look at him like he's insane. Remus softly reminds them all of the summer of 2012, and the time that Sirius had been locked in his mother's spider infested attic for two hours straight.

9.03

Sirius's eyes cross as they follow the spider to the tip of his nose.

9.03 1/2

It's decided that they all need to get to Sirius before something happens. Upon making this decision, it is discovered that none of them want to be in the same room with Sirius and a spider. They draw straws.

9.03 3/4

Sirius thinks about the cold embrace of death as the spider makes its way down towards his mouth.

9.04

Remus loses the straw draw, because of course he does.

9.04 1/2

Sirius can feel the panic bubble up inside him as the spider starts to crawl _INTO HIS—_

9.04 3/4

Remus is just making his way back towards the men's room when he hears a familiar sound; the start of a scream. Knowing what's sure to follow, he closes his eyes and counts down from three. When he reaches zero, Sirius bursts out of the men's room and runs through the restaurant towards the exit, swearing his head off and gagging. As soon as the door shuts behind him, Remus calmly walks back over to their table, puts down some money, and leaves.

9.05

James quickly follows. Peter, because he's smart, asks for their food to be packaged. He will _not_ be stuck in the same vehicle with three hungry idiots for three more hours.

9.07

Frank's plane had landed a while ago, and he's sitting in a cab when he realizes his phone is missing. This causes him to panic, and then to start frantically searching through his pockets for something even more valuable.

9.08

The van is silent. James is cheerfully driving, Sirius is sitting shotgun, and Remus and Peter are sitting next to each other in the back, both trying not to think about what just happened. Every once in a while, Sirius shudders.

9.09

Frank lets out a huge sigh of relief when he feels something velvety and small in his front jean pocket. The cabbie gives him a look in his rearview mirror. "Alright there, mate?" Frank gives him a small smile, palming the little box in his hand. "Yes, everything's fine."

9.10

Alice checks her phone for the fifth time in the past half hour. Frank hasn't responded to her text, which is strange because he usually does so immediately. She convinces herself that he's busy with something, and turns her phone off. She rejoins the conversation with Lily and Marlene. It's still revolving around the pros and cons of the Remus and Sirius "situation".

9.11

So far, Alice is hearing an awful lot of cons.

9.12

It's not so much that they find one person better than the other, it's just that they're arguing over who's worse. Lily won't stop talking about Remus' communication issues, while Marlene seems convinced that Sirius' insecurities are his major downfall. (And she should know, considering she dated him for a year, and therefore was part of the only relationship Sirius has ever had to date.)

9.13

At this point, they're not even talking about whether or not the relationship would work. It's just about who would fuck it up first.

9.14

The combined force of her worry for Frank and her frustration with the argument causes Alice to shout over the shouting. Whenever Alice raises her voice, everyone listens. No one's willing to admit it, but she's the fiercest of the group. (The group, of course, includes the Marauders. Lily runs at a close second.)

9.14 1/2

Alice points out in _excruciating detail_ that while Remus has communication issues, and Sirius has his insecurities, it's not as though either of those flaws are their own faults. It shouldn't be held against them. When Lily and Marlene start to protest—"We didn't mean that it should be held _against_ them!"—Alice shuts them up by pointing out that Remus and Sirius have been friends for ages. They already know about all the shit they've each gone through. Remus' lacking communication skills come from his sickly childhood, but it was Sirius who first made the effort to talk to him and include him in the group way back in grade school. And _aaaaallll_ of Sirius' bullshit can be traced back to his fucked-up family, something that Remus and anyone who has ever _met_ Sirius is very well aware of. And wasn't it Remus who first suggested that Sirius live with his family? Sirius only moved in with James because Remus' parents couldn't afford to feed another mouth.

9.15

Feeling slightly humbled, Lily and Marlene concede to Alice's point. No relationship is perfect. In the end, it should be the boys' decision to make. They all silently decide to not talk about the Marauders anymore, and this time they mean it.

9.17

Peter finally notices the penis. His biggest complaint is that it's only half done. Remus decides that everything will make more sense if he takes another nap. He falls asleep in record time, his face plastered against the window.

9.20

James "casually" brings up the topic of dating. Specifically, Sirius' dating history. Peter tenses and stares at James with wide eyes. He shakes his head violently because he knows what James is doing and this is going to end _so badly._

9.21

Sirius admits he hasn't been seeing anyone. James nods sagely and says, "Huh. That's interesting."

9.21 1/2

Sirius knows something's up.

9.22

James asks if Sirius is interested in seeing anyone. Sirius laughs. "I think you would know if I was interested in someone, mate."

9.22 1/4

"Actually, you've always been rather secretive about anyone you take a fancy to."

9.22 1/2

"HEY HOW ABOUT THAT RUGBY GAME LAST NIGHT."

"Shut up Peter, I'm talking to Sirius."

9.23

Sirius reassures James that he has not taken an interest in anyone as of late.

9.23 1/2

James reminds Sirius that he can tell when he's lying. His nostrils always flare by a fraction.

9.23 3/4

Sirius tells James that nostrils are pointless.

9.24

Peter quietly squeaks that he thinks nostrils are necessary. You know. For breathing. And stuff.

9.24 1/4

James points out that this conversation is going nowhere.

9.24 2/4

Sirius points out that James is an idiot.

9.24 3/4

"I know who you like."

9.24 3/4

Peter madly scrambles for his earbuds.

9.25

"It's Remus."

9.25 1/2

Dead silence.

9.25 3/4

Peter somehow manages to squish his earbuds in-between the seat cushions.

9.30

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Took you long enough, Prongsy."

9.30 1/4

James is confused. Sirius tries to explain.

9.30 1/2

"Thought it was pretty obvious, to be honest with you."

"Then why deny it?"

"Habit, I guess. I dunno."

"So, you like him."

"'Course I do."

"But you _really_ like him."

"Mate, I'm already having a hard enough time with this conversation without you saying shit like that."

"But—"

"Yes, I really like him."

"Okay so—"

"And he really likes me."

9.30 3/4

Peter snaps the cord of his earbuds.

9.31

Sirius laughs. "Oh come on, don't pretend like that's a surprise. For a bloke who hid the majority of his sickly childhood, Moony's about as subtle as a brick wall."

"…How long have you known?"

"I figured it out before you, that's for sure."

"Oh, no fucking way."

"Yes fucking way. Let me guess, you discovered it two years ago, the Christmas party."

"How did you—"

"And ol' Petey over here only started to get suspicious last fall."

"…Yeah."

"What the _fuck—"_

9.31 1/2

Remus grunts in his sleep. Everyone freezes.

9.31 3/4

Nothing happens. Remus slumbers on.

9.32

Sirius is staring at the road ahead of them. "Remus only started to realize things this year."

"What about you?"

"I got a feeling three years ago, when we spent that summer at your parent's place. I was just starting to talk about dating Marlene."

"Oh. Right."

"Yeah. Right."

"….Did you like him like that? Back then?"

"I don't know. I cared about him, you know, as a friend."

"And now it's more than that."

"We already covered that, asshat."

"I'm just trying to make sense of this, shitloaf."

9.32 1/2

Peter speaks up. "Why haven't you done anything about it?"

9.32 3/4

Sirius is quiet.

9.33

"It's not like I didn't want to. It's just…these last few years have been full of the craziest shit. What with my parents and the fucking disownment, then the whole Greyback trial with Moony's dad, there was never a good time to just stop and say, hey, lets stop beating around the bush and start fucking around the bush."

"Way to keep up the gentlemanly aura, Padfoot."

"I try, Prongs."

Peter fidgets. "Things have settled down now."

"Have they?"

9.33 1/2

Far away from this conversation, Mrs. Lupin feeds Mr. Lupin a meal. He smiles at her between bites, his lower body never moving.

9.33 1/4

"Just because Moony fancies me—and really, who wouldn't—doesn't mean he wants anything more than a friendship."

James shares a look with Peter.

Sirius glares at something in the distance. "I just want to…" He lets out a frustrated breath. "We've been through so much shit."

9.33 1/2

Silence.

9.33 3/4

"If anything's going to happen, _he's_ gotta be the one to make the first move."

9.34

Unbeknownst to Sirius, Peter and James both experience a strange form of "future sight," in which they both think about the sort of world in which Remus would actually have to step up to the plate and willingly admit romantic feelings.

Peter, as always, contemplates the worst. He imagines that Remus stays silent forever, which eats away at Sirius over time. The friendship crumbles. Sirius goes to James, Remus goes to Alice and Frank, Lily and Marlene stay with previous loyalties, and Peter…

Well, Peter just fades into the background. Like he was never there to begin with.

James at first imagines something equally depressing, but stubbornly changes his mind. Remus confesses, but Remus and Sirius are both too angsty and dramatic to do anything else. And then everybody's stuck in an endless, hellish loop of longing and sexual tension and general unhappiness. Eventually, James kills both of them in a fit of (justifiable) rage. Lily continues to play her role as the best girlfriend ever by helping him dispose of the bodies. Then, they adopt new identities and travel the globe, running from their past and letting their love sustain them.

James should really stop reading coffee table novellas.

9.35

"Why are you telling us all this?"

Sirius rolls his eyes. "You're my friends."

"Oh, don't give me that. Your bosom is locked tighter than a nun's."

"What is it with you and nuns?"

"I dunno Pete, what is it with you and questions?!"

"I only meant—"

"Shut up, Pete. Sirius, talk."

9.35 1/2

"We're on a road trip."

"Wow. With observations like that, it's no wonder you discovered America, Christopher Columb-cock."

"Where were you going with that insult?"

"Shut up, Pete."

Sirius huffs. "We're on a road trip, and it's a well known fact that you useless hens love to talk about _feelings_ whenever we're in a closed space for an extended period of time."

"That's not true."

"It so fucking is."

"Name _one_ instance."

9.45

"…And then there was the time that Lily got us all locked in that basement, and you started talking about your secret lack of—

" _Ok I get it!_ It happens a lot!"

"Like, all the time."

"Shut up, Pete!"

"All I'm saying is that a twelve hour road trip with you idiots would eventually lead to me spilling the beans about something. It might as well be this."

"Wait, what?"

"Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long to bring it up."

"Do you honestly expect us to believe that?"

"I dunno, he looks pretty serious."

"SHUT UP, PETE."

9.55

Peter is still congratulating himself on the pun, no matter how overused it is. James is refusing to talk to Sirius, who is trying to pretend as though he's enjoying the silence. Remus slumbers on.

The van continues its journey down the dusty road.

:

:

:

 **A/N: This fic was inspired by "The Road Trip Series" by stupid_drawings on AO3. It's in the Sherlock fandom, and I would totally read it. It's awesome writing, and hilarious as fuck.** **/series/10114**


End file.
